He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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