OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
