Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
