okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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