That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Randomize
