i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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