I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
