My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
