Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
