Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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