I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
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