Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
