I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
