It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
