"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
