Your face is a jimmy john
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
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He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
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I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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