I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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