he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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