Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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