Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
