Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
