Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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