its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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