hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
