I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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