It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
