Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
