just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I forget how to act sober
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
