I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
