Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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