Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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