She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
