just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
