if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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