guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
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He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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