I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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