just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
