did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i will never coherently bang her
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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