I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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