seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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