I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
