Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
