Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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