You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Pants are for mortals
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
