Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I cut my penus on the lid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
