Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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