if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
God, I missed his penis.
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