I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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