working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
