I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
