not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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