Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
