Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
