last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
