i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
