And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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