i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
