dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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