i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
