he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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