just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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