did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
